Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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