If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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