Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize