I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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