found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
