Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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