I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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