i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
