Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
