Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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