The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
