you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize