i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
