Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
