This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
