I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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