So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
