How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
