how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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