carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You may now shotgun with the bride
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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