I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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