We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize