The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
