you guys were way drunker than both of me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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