I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
