The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
