Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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