I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize