You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
