...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
