Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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