she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
