i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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