I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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