I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
