So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
