you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize