We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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