WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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