Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
