You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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