My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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