he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
