How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
