i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it glows. i had to have it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
