Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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