but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
