you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
