You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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