The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize