My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
