You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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