I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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