i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize