I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize