Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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