Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
