we have pet lesbian snakes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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