Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're earring is so big in my mouth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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