How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
