Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
