tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
