There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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