The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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