Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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