You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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