ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
