You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
