I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
