So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
