I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize