I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
