i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
