You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
COCAINE IS GR8
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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