no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
