Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize