No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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