woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize