I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
