its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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