I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
being pregnant is like rehab
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
