Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize