The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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