I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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