guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
