he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
