my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
