I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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