Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We need to get me chipped asap
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