I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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