My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize